Poem for Publication

The Ballad of Rich McKay


Oh here comes the world on this day

Down to the trial of Rich McKay

Down to the life to be undone

Down to the end of his big run


The greatest crook the world had seen

Until they caught him in between

Steel bars and cells and things unknown

And now his great end will be shown


Gambler, cheater, thief, and liar

Not names to which he aspires

His only crime, his favored thing

Would have to be pick-pocketing


Anyone can pull off a fraud

Anyone can con dear Aunt Maud

But it takes a distinguished soul

To have the pocket as a goal


The best pickpocket ever seen

Even took wallets from the queen

Vowed against all other crime

Pickpocketing stole his heart and time


That was, until they set a sting

And got him caught within a ring

The coppers went and took him in

And said, “Mister, this is the end.”


So here comes the world on this day

Down to the trial of Rich McKay

Down to the life to be undone

Down to the end of his big run


And heres the judge, a big old man

Who doesn't look like Rich's fan

He's wearing a wig like a moose

He holds his gavel like a noose


“Mister McKay I see you're here”

he said, “You're the catch of the year.

I'm a nice man, Ill hear your case

I will be the end to your race.”


So the trial went, so hours dragged on

Witnesses went up, then were gone

At the end of the fateful day

Sitting alone was Rich McKay


"Mr. McKay, Ive heard your case

and find your life to be a waste

But I think I have found a cure

Somewhere Pickpocketing has no lure.”


“Where?” said McKay frightened of death

He looked a bit like Mr. Macbeth

But after the judge had his way

the sun shone brighter the next day


Oh where was he sent, you might ask

For what place could match with that task?

Its very simple don't you see

He's gone to a nudist colony